What to do?

Here we are standing at that space that I was only told about. That space where my child is becoming a young adult. When I realized that I was raising children only to send them off in their life. For me it got real. I believe it is our jobs as parents to instill compassion and love. They are definitely a learned behavior. I often wonder and I am excited to the fact that they are just taking off in life and I am coming in for a landing. This life has handed me some pretty good lessons and some really brutal fights. In every way but mostly spiritual and emotional. You never think that you would be able to bury your own and live. Or become completely alone and still live. When every word that comes out of your mouth is twisted and used against especially by the ones that say "I love you". "Trust me". Because all these things on how to treat people the way I want to be treated only came to me by trial and lots of error. At one point in my life I thought that was my only purpose was to be able to mess things up beyond fixing. That is me, was me. But most people are not willing to take the time to get to know me for who I am today because they are too busy judging who I used to be. I'm not sure if I done a great job raising my boys. Being mom and dad. But I do know that I kept pushing until I did. The Bible says that we pay forty years for the sins of our parents. Today I declare that all sins of my parents are broken. There will be no more born addicts. There will be no more quitting school because no one cares enough tell you not to. There will be no more babies born to a children. From this day forward I declare that only love, compassion and honor in everything will be our blessings. Patients, love, kindness, gentleness, peace, joy. I will no longer self pity because I didn't have a good start. I did not come equipped with the necessary tools to make a positive life. Maybe I am to be grateful for learning the way I did. Because now all these things are buried in me and will never be replaced with all that hate and unforgiveness. No more! I was slowly killing myself with someone Else's poison. My kids deserve better. If that means I have to die so that they may live then I'm ready. This thing we call life is of great importance. This is not a game or a crap shot on whether we make it or not. This is life. You really only have one shot to get this right. Of course you are going to make mistakes. But there is a difference in making mistakes that are fixable and making mistakes that you can not bounce back from. Like using. What if you are the one person out off billions that dies off of one hit of bath tub dope? Just what if? Or have a baby at a young age. The list goes on as to life altering mistakes. So my boys the know the truth about the streets and they know the truth about hate, shame, guilt. All these things only lead to a path of self torture. This is no where to spend your life. So today Smile at someone who needs it and know that self love is the only cure for self hate. Until next time.