Tattoos and why?

The way I have always tried to explain about all my tattoos was it is an outward expression of inward emotion. Just the same of cutters when they need to feel pain but still have some control over it. Ink for some is like a punishment and a pleasure all the same time. Beautiful pictures but quite a bit of pain to sit through. People who are damaged or broken in one way or another and have no positive way to release. This is tattoos. Outward expression of inward emotion. Sometimes there is so much pain that words can not describe it and if they did no one would understand anyways. Others who do not live a guilt and shame filled life can not relate. Because that is where it all stems from. Guilt that in someway the person that hurt you made you think you deserved it. Or that it was your fault. Some people just deal differently with things.When my son died I could of swore I was the only person in the world that felt this broken. Wrong. I was humbled several times in these last few weeks. Humbling to find out facts instead of hear say. Huge lesson for me there. I think I can, and I really would like to help save the world in my little way. But I have been humbled to the fact that I can only do what I can.  First, for now, I am a mother. When I was able to forgive myself. When I was able to look up when I walk. When I forgave everyone that had ever tripped me up. Knowingly or unknowingly. That is when I had enough tattoos. My eye was pierced twice. My tongue was pierced. My hair was blue. I was angry all the time and had no way to explain.  I felt like I was screaming at people but saying nothing. Always standing up and fighting for who I am. I was a born fighter. Then it became a survival mechanism.  At least in the prison you know you are caged with killers. But where I was. You never knew from one minute to the next who was going to flip out. Sleeping with one eye open. It took me years not to swing out of a sleep.  Once we learn that we are enough. That we no longer are liable for any ones actions but our own. Tattoos become a thing of beauty instead of a thing of pain. Until next time.

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