Triggers

I spoke a little yesterday on the small things being triggers. At least they are small to outsiders. But they are huge game changers when you are fighting to get sober. When long time addicts decide they are sick and tired of being sick and tired there is nothing and I mean nothing easy about the road to sober living. I am going to try and put this into words and pray that I can help you understand. First, imagine you are watching a knock down drag out boxing match. Best boxing match you had ever seen. One guy is 8 foot tall and 500 pounds of solid muscle . The other guy is 140 pounds with not a lot of strength. There is blood everywhere from the hits. The 140 pounder gets knocked out over and over again. He cant see because his eyes are swollen shut. I mean he is getting his ass handed to him. The rounds are going full time limit. But the 140 pounder is still standing. Beat to hell but still standing. The 8 footer, he does not have a mark on him and with each round he seems to be getting stronger. This is exactly what it is like trying to get sober. Exactly.
So after the "boxing beat down" is over and you get sober. It is overwhelming to think that is part of the reason we stay high was because we fought to do so. So now what are we going to fight for? What is interesting and can be just as engulfing as the dope? Because now we are not taking hits and we are not  not handing out hits. What are we going to do? When we get rid of something that is so life consuming and you have nothing to replace that void with. That is where relapse comes into play. Sometimes over and over. Especially for those of us that are hard headed and think we know everything. So in order to move forward without beating the hell out of yourself. Everything has to change. Especially us on the inside. But definitely our wardrobe and colors in our room. Everything that we ever used to get high needs to be set on fire. And yes sometimes it has to be that dramatic.
Until next time.