Glue

It is a natural instinct to label an addict as weak or dirty. I actually think it is a way for people not to care or make themselves feel better not to care. It is very easy to say "well, he could straighten his or her life up if they wanted to." But this is not always the case. To want to, is not enough. Its a step but its not enough. From my experience I can tell you that addiction can hit the strongest of people. I personally didn't smoke a cigarette until I was 23. I prided myself on being a survivor of my darkness. Even though the world stood against me. Here is a key. Just because I was an addict and still am a recovering addict doesn't make me any less of a human being than you. The only difference between you and I is where we come from and the lives we lived. The support system we had. Like so many addicts I can relate to the fact that we just want to be loved and accepted. When we are the ones who supply the dope. We are the ones who have people show up all hours of the night to see if we can get the dope for them. Even though its dope it is something we are needed for. In this comes the sensation of being needed and wanted and accepted. Even though its a negative. It fills a void of bonding. The fact that a lot of us have abandonment issues. The dope fills that void because the dope may dry out but it never stays obsolete. And if it does dry out if you are like I was it was never really completely dried out, even if I had to make a three hour drive. Which that always made me more powerful that someone needed me so bad to make that trip for them and I would. There is a feeling that I am appreciated. Now there is a word. Appreciated. I can't speak for others but I can say that part of my addiction was that the feeling that people could count on me. But what I learned in the end of all the madness was it actually back fired on me because I was feeding people there demon. And when they decided that I was part of the problem there was no more appreciation there was no more "friendship". Fortunately we all have to move forward. And It is 100% impossible to remain friends with someone you only got high with. I call that "glue". Everyone has a glue that bonds them together. It can be negative and it can be positive. Love is a glue. Abuse whether its emotional or physical its a glue. Dope is a glue. It ruins relationships and friendships and that takes a lot for me to say because I always said my people would stand with me. But here I am. Standing alone. Until next time my friends.