Bullying

When I was put in to placement there were a couple of times where they let me out for L.O.A. "Leave of absence". I was given a couple chances to see if I could function in society. When I was in placement facility we had school classes. They were 5 to 6 students. Needless to say I done really well in their school. But when I was let out for my trial I was put back in a school where everyone knew I was struggling. Unfortunately this made me a target. I was a really good gymnast but didn't fit well on the cheerleaders team. I honestly didn't fit well anywhere and by this time I was dressed in full black clothing all the time. Smiling was not something I had grown good at. I had a big chip on my shoulder. It was me against the world. Funny sometimes I still feel like that. Anyways, I would walk the hallways struggling with what was going on on the inside of me. While hearing "your crazy" all day. I was called "Crazy" so much that In started to believe I was. When really I was just different. No one took the time to think that maybe I was struggling. Or took the time to realize that maybe I needed a friend. So it got to the point that I would lie a big lie to be put back in placement. Or jam a pencil in my arm and rip my vein out so I could go back into placement. I never really got along with women. And because my best friends were guys I was called a "whore" and a slut. When the only that had sex with me was not my choice. Something in me snapped and no one understood. Using my words when I spoke was never my strong suit. When you are young being accepted is a big deal. I didn't have a chance. I was socially awkward. I had a lot of heart. In order to fit in I had to learn to not be. I also had to learn to be fake. Especially with the girls. I just didn't fit in. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. Things are different today, what used to be socially awkward is now accepted. The bullying has not stopped. I'm not sure how to help parents teach their kids to be respectful because they never know if their words could push someone over the edge. You never know what the person next to you is going through. I was at a conference for my mental health certification and a man told a short story I will never forget. He was on his way to the golden gate bridge to jump off. He was on the bus crying and emotionally falling apart. The bus was packed with people. Not one person asked him if he was okay. He jumped off the bridge and the worst thing is he lived. Someones words could have stopped him that day. Until next time.