Bitter Sweet

It is bitter because what I am about to say to you, will be bitter for you to accept. But there is sweetness. 😌
When it comes right down to brass tax. At the end of the day. We have to take 100% responsibility for our part in every situation that ever happened in our lives. Period. When I took responsibility even in my physical harm when I was little. My part was the fact I should have told someone instead of going to counselors and not talking about the real issues. I could have maybe saved some part of my soul from the thousand other problems I created from this one main issue. My schizophrenia was traumatic onset. I think I have always been different in the way I think and listen. I have always been eccentric. I was born with my 6th sense. I was born being able to feel and see things that others are skeptical on. But as far as the full blown mental illness and rage maybe it could have been avoided if I would have just spoke with someone for real. Now when I looked at the people whom have "hurt" me in any way,  With new eyes, I wondered If they were taught love? You can not give love with out being taught love. 
I wondered if the way I was treated, was the way they were treated? I think we are all an extension of our environment. When I did this. There was a completely let go-forgiveness.  I always hung on to some small part of my anger. Actually I did not even notice I was. It was recently in a conversation with someone I said it out loud. That my friends is the sweetness. I don't know if anyone will ever read these words. This has freed my soul to tell my side of my life and no one can put their  own spin on it. These are my words that at one point in my life after I had smoked so much dope. I could not read or write. Or tie my own shoes. But here I am. If anyone ever does read this I do hope its the one person that needs it. 
Until next time my friend.....