The first Christmas

I was institutionalized on December 23rd,1988. I remember very well it being very difficult. It was only me on the wing at Valle Vista. I was watching Beetle juice sitting in the middle of a long hallway. I was missing everyone pretty bad and I had cried myself to sleep for two days. I didn't think no one was coming to see me. I had not seen anyone since my arrival at Valle Vista which was supposed to be a short term facility. Six weeks or less. But I was there eight months. Lost and alone does not even begin to explain how I felt. By this time I had a couple of suicide attempts. So I was on suicide watch. Which they took everything from me anyways. But I was sitting in the hallway and the tunnels that lead into the facility were glass see through windows. I remember looking over and seeing my dad walking down the hallway with his hands full of presents. One big box that was pink. I got so excited. I had not seen my dad in a while. I missed him very much. He was let in and gave me a hug and a kiss. We went into the sitting room and he gave me my presents. One was a fringe leather coat with beautiful silk on the inside. I remember wanting a leather coat with all that fringe on it really bad. Dad did not have much to say. "I love you squirt." And he was on his way. Of course they took the coat from me. I cried so hard I just wanted to die. I just knew that they would be better off without me. I was nothing but a messed up little girl. That was the last time I seen my dad for a long time. Actually I cant tell you when I seen him again. I do remember like I told you guys in an earlier blog about how much we loved to be on the lake in fast boats. I was let out on a weekend pass and I seen dad. We went out on the lake and I honestly do not know what happened to me but I was terrified to be on that boat. All my love for everything was gone. It was very difficult to know that I had hurt my dad so much by being sick. But there were so many things that happened in just a short period of time that it was too much for my mind to be able to wrap around "how I got here?" All the pain that I was suffering didn't even belong to me but I was the only one paying the dues. Until next time my friends.